WHAT INSIDE MY MIND

In this few weeks I feeling I was kinda dead, not alive, I was like a living zombie, I don’t feel the meaning of life, or I have got a minor depression , I don’t know either. I just feeling I’m very alone, I can’t feel the support from people around me, I don’t get approval and support from them to doing the things bring the sparks and joys in my life.

I want to pet a dog, my mom never allow me till I got married my husband still unable to give me a pet, I really disappointed somehow, I know this isn’t his duty to fulfill my wishes but I was kinda feel being break the promise, everytime I remember I have to give away my Dog, its like a thorn , I felt I want to cried out loud. Until today still unable to feeling the joys being the owner of the Dog.

When in college time , I want studied the major I love the most, but my parents want me to follow the rest of the people choosing the major they think will be easier to find the job , they think these major will gave me a good job and career, but I think it’s just so so. Right now I just worked as a ordinary office lady, actually I love psychology I love it so much, but who cares, who gonna paid me at that time.

I want to be vegan, but everyone have a very bad stigma about vegan, I just want to take care my body, I want eat based on what my body crave, and then when you  told that everybody,they  would blame you for being naïve, but it’s really backed by science. I don’t  know  why this people act was they want you to do what they want to see from you.

I want to began a small business, I don’t know why I love to sell product, but everytime I want to begin, they will throw you a cold shoulder and said, its not gonna work, its really exhausted living with them somehow, I don’t hate them, I just feeling drained by their life existing beside me.

I know I shouldn’t blaming people fo not letting me made the decision, I just can’t just ignore them, but may i? They are people who are very close to me, they are my parents, my husband.

I became seeking the right to speak out, I really tired if till my 30 something I still have to do anything I really dislike about. I once think I could change the way they think maybe. But now, I was thingking when you are kinda women that have a stubborn minded you need a man who can balance you.

I just want to throw out all of my negative thought since its really annoying me!